I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
