I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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