He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
