My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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