My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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