Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
