he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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