Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
