How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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