Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
