I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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