don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
