Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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