He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
