I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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