please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We need to get me chipped asap
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
