you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
