Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
