You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
