she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
