I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
