ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish I only lived at night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
