she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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