I love black thongs
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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