Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you inspire me to be a worse person
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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