Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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