omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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