just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
