I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
