WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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