ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
