I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
