Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
