apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
