You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
