The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
