id be glad to
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
