no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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