Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
