I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
