Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
