We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
