i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
