these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
