i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
