I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
