saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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