dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
