I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
