I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
