The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
